Heart Led Health by Coach Donna

Tuesday / April 17 / 2012

Why you shouldn’t fill the hole in your heart

(photo courtesy of photobucket.com)
(photo courtesy of photobucket.com)

I hear a lot of talk about hearts with empty holes. From those who contend with tragedy — to fellow depression-sufferers — to people in religious circles. It’s everywhere.

The thing that makes my left eye twitch is when people condescendingly throw out “obvious” solutions without ever exploring what the hole is or why it’s even there.

Why do we automatically assume the hole needs filling? That kind of solution-assumption flies directly in the face of the individuality Jesus hand-wove into each one of us. Isn’t it possible there isn’t a tidy answer?

What if some holes are supposed to be empty?

Every heart has holes in it. They have to. Otherwise how could they pump blood to and from our vital organs? How could they collaborate with our souls about the trials and depths of fierce, loyal love?

We spend so much time trying to fill the holes in our hearts, we neglect to look directly at them. Some of them may be standing there screaming both out loud and in sign language, “Quit trying to cram stuff in me… you’re going to kill me!” But we just keep chucking stuff into them as though blind and deaf, or illiterate, or perhaps rebellious. I liken it to when I tell my 20-month-old grandson, “Don’t you dare do that again,” as if I’d just dared him.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s part of our rebellious nature in a self-sabotage kind of way.

Just like when my grandson strips off his diaper, climbs on Grandma Kokoski’s coffee table, and starts shakin’ his groove thing while grinning and squealing — we defiantly cram more stuff in, trying to stop the vacuum. Alcohol is a good stuffer. So is an affair, weight loss obsession, smoking, or the fixation to make more money.

It’s not always, “bad”. Consider other hole-stuffers: hobbies, sleeping, relationships, desire for children — even blogging.

Does it matter if it’s good or bad? If cramming stuff into the hole is going to kill the heart, it simply doesn’t matter if you’ve deemed the stuffers good or bad.

Yet we cram. Never asking, why. Why is the hole there? And why can’t I ever fill it?


Maybe the ache you feel when you think about your stillborn son is your heart’s way of reminding you of the power of unconditional love and how intensely one can feel love for another. Maybe that nagging pang you have about the promotion you aren’t getting is intended to motivate you to start your own business. Perhaps the void you feel when you think about your departed mother is there because only she can fill it, and she’s holding that piece for when you meet again in Heaven. Maybe we need certain holes so we remember how to feel emotions.


To further my point — have you noticed that the cutest way to ‘draw’ a heart nowadays is by using your hands (see pic above)? Ah yes… its clever design creates a heart with a huge hole in it. Perhaps we’re on to something here.


4 responses to “Why you shouldn’t fill the hole in your heart”

  1. Sue Mills says:

    Donna, It makes a lot of sense, knowing to leave your heart to stabilize itself, and let it be. Thank you, Sue Mills

  2. Sue says:

    LOVE, LOVE this one!!! I so relate to starting the business and meeting Dad in heaven. Those holes are there for a reason! They are motivators & reminders <3 Thank you! xo

    • Donna Smaldone says:

      Oh wow… that’s so cool to hear! Thank you, Sue. And thank you for your passion. It’s contagious!


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